Other stuff, not so good...

[juliebata]

And after such a nice weekend, too. I got an e-mail from Tom today. (Tom, the guy who tore out my heart and stomped it flat.) Seems he and his house-mate are having a party next weekend, and I'm invited. Well, I'm not actually invited, but he hasn't bothered to take me off his invite list for their rather frequent parties. Whenever I get one, it's like a knife through the heart. Does he know how much it hurts me to hear how much fun he's having without me? Does he really think I'd come to his party? Does he think I want to see him having a great time with his beautiful new girlfriend? I don't want to say anything. When he first broke up with me, I sent him some very intense and angry e-mails that I'm not proud of. We have not spoken for many months, but I know I'd end up saying nasty things to him if I asked him to take me off the list. I hate him. I do not want to be his friend, now, or ever. I want him to know the kind of hurt I still feel to this day. I wish everyone else hated him too. It isn't nice, and it isn't fair, but it's how I feel. I foolishly let myself fall in love with him, even though he considered me nothing more than a "friend" he happened to stick his penis into. I meant nothing to him, and he moved on before the bed even had a chance to get cold. Why does it still hurt? Why can't I stop being angry? How can I tell him to stop inviting me to his stupid parties? Would I be able to let go of this anger if a nice new person came into my life? I'm probably not ready, but I'm looking anyway. I don't know what else to do. This is probably boring, so I'll stop now...
-Juliebata

Comments

[green-amber.livejournal.com]

Julie, I so know how you feel - I have been there - do not feel guilty about it - hating in these circumstance is perfectly normal and it may burn him out of your system more quickly than not, as long as you don't let it fester and turn into all consuming bitterness, which He Is Not Worth. Say "Fuck the bastard" loudly, and get on with your life.

2 practical things -

killfile his e-mail address (get Bibliofile to do it if you don't know how) then you won't get the party invites and won't have to contact him again
and
you might want to make this post Friends Only?

[crazysoph.livejournal.com]

You're not being boring, not in the slightest. Anger is a natural, even good, response to when we've been maltreated.

You probably won't get him to stop without contacting him; the low impact alternative is, as green_amber says, killfile the sucker.

Be good to yourself - while anger is good, it can also be consuming. I like what green_amber said, again, about it burning the dolt out of your system. That said, even healthy anger is exhausting - is there something nice, low-key but pleasant you can do for, give to, or be for yourself?

Crazy(multi-hugs)soph

[serendipoz.livejournal.com]

No, it isn't boring, but I don't know that it is useful for you.

(hug, anyway.)

Thanks for the kind thoughts....

[juliebata.livejournal.com]

I know deep down there are people out there who care. Just venting about it made me feel better. I know He's Not Worth It, but the bitterness is still hard to shake.
As far as I know, he isn't on LJ, but I don't care if the people here who do know him hear about how I feel.
-Juliebata

Thanks to you too!

[juliebata.livejournal.com]

Hugs gratefully accepted! I try to do nice things for myself, hot baths and the like can be lovely, but they also allow a lot of quiet time to Think About Him. So does my incredibly boring job.
I have WAY too much time to think. What helps more than anything is to get the hell out of this apartment and DO something with other people! That's why this past weekend was so nice, I had something to do each day. I have many good friends here in Madison, but everyone is so damn BUSY these days, and few of them like to do the same kinds of things that I do. It can be frustrating. Not to mention lonely. But I enjoy my "friend" time whenever I can get it, and I hope to ghod I'm still at least SOME fun to be around!
-Juliebata

Thanks...

[juliebata.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the hug! It's infinitely useful for me to know that I'm not putting all of the LJ world to sleep!
I LJ "friend" you back!
-Juliebata

[rdkeir.livejournal.com]

Julie,

Don't feel bad about feeling angry. Sometimes there are days when anger is what gets us through.

You could have someone else ask him to remove you from his mailing list, without getting into any interpersonal stuff (I'd be happy to, for example). This isn't guaranteed to be free of new complications, but it lessens the risk a lot. Just ask.

Sorry to hear you need to (but glad you are able to) vent

[bibliofile.livejournal.com]

Julie, how frustrating it is for you! You know you can phone anytime. (I'd call you know but you should be asleep.) So are there any good shows that you can go to instead? (Have you talked to Bonnie lately?)

In case it's a new term for you, this killfile thing is a way to screen your email so you don't have to read it. You set up your email software to look for your incoming mail from a certain email address. When you receive email from that address, the software dumps it directly into the trash for you. Very nice sometimes, this software stuff.

I'll take you up on that...

[juliebata.livejournal.com]

I'd appreciate it. You don't have to contact him specially, but if you see him in the near future, you could say something. I suppose in a way it's good for me to know when these parties are, so I can try and find other things to do, but I definately want him to stop inviting me. Thanks.
-Juliebata
Hey, did that trouble with your eye get better?

Re: I'll take you up on that...

[rdkeir.livejournal.com]

no problem at all.

The eye is much better; I got to stop sticking the antibiotic ointment on the eyelid today and it looks more or less normal.

Re: I'll take you up on that...

[rdkeir.livejournal.com]

And it's done.

Thanks for letting me do something that might be useful; it's a whole lot more pleasant than knowing that someone I like is unhappy and having nothing I can do about it.

Re: I'll take you up on that...

[juliebata.livejournal.com]

Thanks. You rock!
-Juliebata