Other stuff, not so good...

[juliebata]

And after such a nice weekend, too. I got an e-mail from Tom today. (Tom, the guy who tore out my heart and stomped it flat.) Seems he and his house-mate are having a party next weekend, and I'm invited. Well, I'm not actually invited, but he hasn't bothered to take me off his invite list for their rather frequent parties. Whenever I get one, it's like a knife through the heart. Does he know how much it hurts me to hear how much fun he's having without me? Does he really think I'd come to his party? Does he think I want to see him having a great time with his beautiful new girlfriend? I don't want to say anything. When he first broke up with me, I sent him some very intense and angry e-mails that I'm not proud of. We have not spoken for many months, but I know I'd end up saying nasty things to him if I asked him to take me off the list. I hate him. I do not want to be his friend, now, or ever. I want him to know the kind of hurt I still feel to this day. I wish everyone else hated him too. It isn't nice, and it isn't fair, but it's how I feel. I foolishly let myself fall in love with him, even though he considered me nothing more than a "friend" he happened to stick his penis into. I meant nothing to him, and he moved on before the bed even had a chance to get cold. Why does it still hurt? Why can't I stop being angry? How can I tell him to stop inviting me to his stupid parties? Would I be able to let go of this anger if a nice new person came into my life? I'm probably not ready, but I'm looking anyway. I don't know what else to do. This is probably boring, so I'll stop now...
-Juliebata

Comments

[green-amber.livejournal.com]

Julie, I so know how you feel - I have been there - do not feel guilty about it - hating in these circumstance is perfectly normal and it may burn him out of your system more quickly than not, as long as you don't let it fester and turn into all consuming bitterness, which He Is Not Worth. Say "Fuck the bastard" loudly, and get on with your life.

2 practical things -

killfile his e-mail address (get Bibliofile to do it if you don't know how) then you won't get the party invites and won't have to contact him again
and
you might want to make this post Friends Only?

Thanks for the kind thoughts....

[juliebata.livejournal.com]

I know deep down there are people out there who care. Just venting about it made me feel better. I know He's Not Worth It, but the bitterness is still hard to shake.
As far as I know, he isn't on LJ, but I don't care if the people here who do know him hear about how I feel.
-Juliebata