Other stuff, not so good...

[juliebata]

And after such a nice weekend, too. I got an e-mail from Tom today. (Tom, the guy who tore out my heart and stomped it flat.) Seems he and his house-mate are having a party next weekend, and I'm invited. Well, I'm not actually invited, but he hasn't bothered to take me off his invite list for their rather frequent parties. Whenever I get one, it's like a knife through the heart. Does he know how much it hurts me to hear how much fun he's having without me? Does he really think I'd come to his party? Does he think I want to see him having a great time with his beautiful new girlfriend? I don't want to say anything. When he first broke up with me, I sent him some very intense and angry e-mails that I'm not proud of. We have not spoken for many months, but I know I'd end up saying nasty things to him if I asked him to take me off the list. I hate him. I do not want to be his friend, now, or ever. I want him to know the kind of hurt I still feel to this day. I wish everyone else hated him too. It isn't nice, and it isn't fair, but it's how I feel. I foolishly let myself fall in love with him, even though he considered me nothing more than a "friend" he happened to stick his penis into. I meant nothing to him, and he moved on before the bed even had a chance to get cold. Why does it still hurt? Why can't I stop being angry? How can I tell him to stop inviting me to his stupid parties? Would I be able to let go of this anger if a nice new person came into my life? I'm probably not ready, but I'm looking anyway. I don't know what else to do. This is probably boring, so I'll stop now...
-Juliebata

Comments

Sorry to hear you need to (but glad you are able to) vent

[bibliofile.livejournal.com]

Julie, how frustrating it is for you! You know you can phone anytime. (I'd call you know but you should be asleep.) So are there any good shows that you can go to instead? (Have you talked to Bonnie lately?)

In case it's a new term for you, this killfile thing is a way to screen your email so you don't have to read it. You set up your email software to look for your incoming mail from a certain email address. When you receive email from that address, the software dumps it directly into the trash for you. Very nice sometimes, this software stuff.