Well, I guess he told ME!
Jan. 7th, 2003 06:20 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
juliebataI just got flamed by a guy I met on an internet dating site. I've been dabbling in it for a couple of months now, just for laughs, no real expectations. Had a few nice conversations, and plenty of bad ones. Haven't actually met anyone in person, I have yet to talk to anyone this way who actually lives in Madison. I don't know if I'd travel to the ends of the earth to be with someone, but who knows?
At the end of last summer, after nearly offing myself, I was ready to try to meet someone new. I could only mope over Tom for so long. (However, I can be angry for as long as I want.) I'm not the type to go to a bar by myself, and I don't belong to any clubs or take any classes. Can't afford them. It's a fine line between being proactive about finding companionship, and looking desperate and pathetic to the world at large. I saw a TV show about internet dating, and I thought I'd look into it. You put a profile of yourself up on a site, saying what you're like, and what kind of person you're looking for. You browse the profiles of people who look interesting, custom sorting by age, hair color, income, religion, whatever. If you see someone you like, you send them a message. They look at your profile, and hopefully send a message back. The problem, I've discovered, is that the vast majority of men on these sites cannot write. "HI! Want2chat? WhatRUin2?" They use this abbreviated, cutesy-speak that really pisses me off! I want to talk to someone who sounds like an adult, and who treats me like one, too. I have had some nice conversations, one guy in particular I really liked, and he seemed to like me a great deal. He lived in London. He was wonderful to talk to, then one day he just stopped writing without explanation. Haven't heard from him since November, and I'll always wonder what happened. Was it something I said? Was he hit by a truck? I'll never know...
Just after X-mas I came across a new profile of a guy in California. Everything matched, the right age, athiest, no kids, didn't want any, and rather nice looking, too. So I sent him a message, and we started talking by e-mail. He said rather nice and funny things to me, seemed to like me, but his messages were very difficult to read. Imagine if this rather lengthy LJ entry was written with NO capital letters, NO spaces between sentences, NO regard for spelling, and had LOTS of little smiley-face icons tossed in at random! Would you want to read something like that?
I didn't, and I said so. Nicely. He pleaded slow speed and poor typing skills. "I don't have time to make it look nice," he said. I didn't buy it, and was growing frustrated. We exchanged a few details about ourselves, where we grew up, what year we graduated high school, that sort of thing. He told me the year he was born. Another red flag went up in my mind, and I went back to his profile on the dating site. He'd lied about his age there, said he was several years younger than he actually was. I should have just stopped talking to him right then, but I wanted to see what kind of explanation I'd get if I called him on it. He said he got too many messages from "older" women, so he felt it was OK to say he was a few years younger to stop attracting "old" women.
That's it, I'm done with this guy, and I sent him a message saying that I didn't want to talk to him anymore because A) he lied about something most women find rather important, and B) I can't read his messages, and I'm looking for someone to have an legible, adult conversation with. I was honest, but I tried to be nice about it, I really did. I wasn't expecting to hear from him again, or maybe just get an "oh well, screw you- bye." The message I got today was one very long paragraph- all caps this time- filled with hostility and swearing. He said that I'll never find anyone because I care too much about stupid things like writing. None of the other girls he's sleeping with care what his e-mails look like, and I'm a picky, stupid, ugly BITCH who should go to hell!
Back to square one.
-Juliebata
At the end of last summer, after nearly offing myself, I was ready to try to meet someone new. I could only mope over Tom for so long. (However, I can be angry for as long as I want.) I'm not the type to go to a bar by myself, and I don't belong to any clubs or take any classes. Can't afford them. It's a fine line between being proactive about finding companionship, and looking desperate and pathetic to the world at large. I saw a TV show about internet dating, and I thought I'd look into it. You put a profile of yourself up on a site, saying what you're like, and what kind of person you're looking for. You browse the profiles of people who look interesting, custom sorting by age, hair color, income, religion, whatever. If you see someone you like, you send them a message. They look at your profile, and hopefully send a message back. The problem, I've discovered, is that the vast majority of men on these sites cannot write. "HI! Want2chat? WhatRUin2?" They use this abbreviated, cutesy-speak that really pisses me off! I want to talk to someone who sounds like an adult, and who treats me like one, too. I have had some nice conversations, one guy in particular I really liked, and he seemed to like me a great deal. He lived in London. He was wonderful to talk to, then one day he just stopped writing without explanation. Haven't heard from him since November, and I'll always wonder what happened. Was it something I said? Was he hit by a truck? I'll never know...
Just after X-mas I came across a new profile of a guy in California. Everything matched, the right age, athiest, no kids, didn't want any, and rather nice looking, too. So I sent him a message, and we started talking by e-mail. He said rather nice and funny things to me, seemed to like me, but his messages were very difficult to read. Imagine if this rather lengthy LJ entry was written with NO capital letters, NO spaces between sentences, NO regard for spelling, and had LOTS of little smiley-face icons tossed in at random! Would you want to read something like that?
I didn't, and I said so. Nicely. He pleaded slow speed and poor typing skills. "I don't have time to make it look nice," he said. I didn't buy it, and was growing frustrated. We exchanged a few details about ourselves, where we grew up, what year we graduated high school, that sort of thing. He told me the year he was born. Another red flag went up in my mind, and I went back to his profile on the dating site. He'd lied about his age there, said he was several years younger than he actually was. I should have just stopped talking to him right then, but I wanted to see what kind of explanation I'd get if I called him on it. He said he got too many messages from "older" women, so he felt it was OK to say he was a few years younger to stop attracting "old" women.
That's it, I'm done with this guy, and I sent him a message saying that I didn't want to talk to him anymore because A) he lied about something most women find rather important, and B) I can't read his messages, and I'm looking for someone to have an legible, adult conversation with. I was honest, but I tried to be nice about it, I really did. I wasn't expecting to hear from him again, or maybe just get an "oh well, screw you- bye." The message I got today was one very long paragraph- all caps this time- filled with hostility and swearing. He said that I'll never find anyone because I care too much about stupid things like writing. None of the other girls he's sleeping with care what his e-mails look like, and I'm a picky, stupid, ugly BITCH who should go to hell!
Back to square one.
-Juliebata
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no subject
Date: 2003-01-08 01:25 pm (UTC)