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A few updates...
Mar. 31st, 2004 10:18 pmLast night, I sent an e-mail to the online guy, telling him that I'm available for dinner Friday night, and I'd like to get together. I told him a few kinds of places I like, and I asked him where in town he lives. So what happened?
Not a peep...
I spent several hours after work, searching for a replacement clock. I started at the mall (*shudder* I HATE the mall). Several stops later, I was tired, my feet were killing me, and I just wanted to get it over with. My desire for an interesting clock was fading fast. I picked out a cheap, basic model from Walmart. Nice big numbers. In my travels I also ended up with some socks, a pair of sandals and a cute little paper shredder. Target was having a sale...
As I'm wandering through the stores, I wonder what I look like to random people. I'm wearing my khaki work pants, simple green sweater, black leather jacket. I'm of average height, rather thin. Long, straight blond hair pulled simply away from my face. Am I cool, am I pretty, am I boring, am I ugly, am I old? What do strangers think of me when I interact with them? What kind of "style" do I have? Do I fit into a category? Can you use one word to describe me? These are the things that go through my head as I putz around in a store by myself...
The past few nights I've come home and gone straight to LJ, in an attempt to NOT fall asleep on the couch. When I start writing something, I get really into it, writing is very hard and it takes a very long time for me. I'm always second-guessing myself at every turn. I don't have a gift for writing, I try to describe stuff that's happening, and I try not to sound like a dork. I'm not here to "be" a writer, I'm here to interact with people, and expand my world a bit.
Yesterday I said something so incredibly stupid, I just want to crawl into a hole and die. I made a comment to someone on LJ, and as soon as I hit "send" I looked at it and thought- *shit*- what I had just typed looked like it could be taken the exact opposite way that it was meant. I went back to try to fix it, but I think I came across as even more of an idiot. This used to happen in TurboAPA a lot. I'd write something, then spend the next few issues going "what I actually *meant* by that was..." I lost a few friends that way. Makes me really wish that writing was easier.
Another thing that's happened in the past three nights, I never got around to eating dinner. And when I do that, I get all loopy and introspective. Not to mention headachey. But when I step on the scale at work, I like what I see, I think of the red dress, I vow to keep it up, and a cycle starts. I was trying on pants in the mall tonight, of a size I never dreamed I'd be wearing a few years back. I like feeling in control of something.
I better stop, I don't think I'm making much sense anymore. I actually had a point once, but it's long gone...
'Nite, all...
Not a peep...
I spent several hours after work, searching for a replacement clock. I started at the mall (*shudder* I HATE the mall). Several stops later, I was tired, my feet were killing me, and I just wanted to get it over with. My desire for an interesting clock was fading fast. I picked out a cheap, basic model from Walmart. Nice big numbers. In my travels I also ended up with some socks, a pair of sandals and a cute little paper shredder. Target was having a sale...
As I'm wandering through the stores, I wonder what I look like to random people. I'm wearing my khaki work pants, simple green sweater, black leather jacket. I'm of average height, rather thin. Long, straight blond hair pulled simply away from my face. Am I cool, am I pretty, am I boring, am I ugly, am I old? What do strangers think of me when I interact with them? What kind of "style" do I have? Do I fit into a category? Can you use one word to describe me? These are the things that go through my head as I putz around in a store by myself...
The past few nights I've come home and gone straight to LJ, in an attempt to NOT fall asleep on the couch. When I start writing something, I get really into it, writing is very hard and it takes a very long time for me. I'm always second-guessing myself at every turn. I don't have a gift for writing, I try to describe stuff that's happening, and I try not to sound like a dork. I'm not here to "be" a writer, I'm here to interact with people, and expand my world a bit.
Yesterday I said something so incredibly stupid, I just want to crawl into a hole and die. I made a comment to someone on LJ, and as soon as I hit "send" I looked at it and thought- *shit*- what I had just typed looked like it could be taken the exact opposite way that it was meant. I went back to try to fix it, but I think I came across as even more of an idiot. This used to happen in TurboAPA a lot. I'd write something, then spend the next few issues going "what I actually *meant* by that was..." I lost a few friends that way. Makes me really wish that writing was easier.
Another thing that's happened in the past three nights, I never got around to eating dinner. And when I do that, I get all loopy and introspective. Not to mention headachey. But when I step on the scale at work, I like what I see, I think of the red dress, I vow to keep it up, and a cycle starts. I was trying on pants in the mall tonight, of a size I never dreamed I'd be wearing a few years back. I like feeling in control of something.
I better stop, I don't think I'm making much sense anymore. I actually had a point once, but it's long gone...
'Nite, all...
