What would you do?

[juliebata]

The first week or so of my being on Livejournal, I did a lot of looking around. I'd pick a topic, get a nice long list, and open up some journals at random, just to see who's out there. I came across the journal of a college student in Alaska that absolutely blew me away. This gal had recently had her heart totally fucked up by a guy, and the way she wrote about it was riveting and powerful, and it really struck a chord with me (being that my heart was recently fucked up, too). Now I find myself reading her journal, she's funny and sarcastic, and seems to be doing a lot better now. I really like the way she writes, and I want to know what goes on in her life. She reminds me of me at that age, though she has it a lot tougher than I did.
So, the question is: do I talk to her?
We write what we write for ourselves and for our friends, it's easy to forget that if we don't lock it down to friends only, random strangers may sometimes come across what we write. Some people might want that more than others. Do you think she'd want to know that her journal really resonated with someone she's never met? If you were her, would you want to add me as a LJ friend?
I feel funny continuing to read her stuff without introducing myself. Has this sort of thing come up before? Opinions, please...
-Juliebata

Comments

[pickledginger.livejournal.com]

So add *her* as an LJ friend. Talk to her.

What she does ... that's her call. Worst that could happen is, your attention calls *her* attention to the lack of privacy of public posts.

But could be that she'd be just as happy to discover you as you've been to run across her.

[holyoutlaw.livejournal.com]

The very first time I added someone to my friend's list who I didn't know (or hadn't been recommended to me by someone else on LJ) I worried about it -- would she think me a stalker? were my actions appropriate? -- but it's turned into a pretty good connection. We both share an interest in art cars, and she's come around to Seattle activities (she lives in Tacoma).

And, if something I'd written had resonated with someone the way you describe this woman's writing resonating with you, I'd love it if they introduced themselves. I'd get a big kick out of it, in fact.

The only caveat I have is that I'm pretty free about adding people to my friend's list. I've never regretted it, and I've only occasionally chosen to later remove someone.

Hope this helps.

[numbat.livejournal.com]

If somebody writes here and leaves their posts public then either they don't mind the world being able to see or don't understand how this game works. If she is as smart as you suggest then I would assume the former. She also then probably expects that sooner or later a total stranger is going to post a comment to her journal. It is after all the nature of the game here. So long as you don't rely on her being as enthusiastic as you (she might be, she might not) nobody should get hurt.

[hawkida.livejournal.com]

Yup - what he said.

[crazysoph.livejournal.com]

I pretty much have to agree with what holyoutlaw says about LJ'ers you don't know getting a kick out of knowing that a total stranger responds to their writing. And also with numbat's comments (I'm being chattier than hawkida, ooops.) regarding posting publically in full knowledge that it's for everyone's eyes. That's pretty much the point of LJ, and even relative newbies and not-great-techies like me can suss out the various levels of security. I don't think your approach would offend someone like that, certainly. (She certainly can't take offense for being thought of as mildly exhibitionist - but that's a glass house we're all living, anyway.)

And, like pickledginger, I say "go for it" - add to the friends list, leave a comment in her journal (or e-mail if an address is available) just explaining you've run across her journal and liked what you saw. After that, well, I don't suppose it matters if she "friends" you back. (Or does it? Well, that's for you to thrash out with yourself... I've done that a couple times, in my short LJ career... might even write about it sometime, in a locked post, tho! *ironic chuckle*)

Crazy(waves to all the LJ'ers names she took up in her post)Soph

[replyhazy.livejournal.com]

I somehow can't imagine anybody being upset at being told that you like her writing and want to read some more of it.

Or being added to a "friends" list, because "friends" is a BIG MISNOMER. "Friends" can just mean "list of people whose writing you want to read often and not lose track of." Or, it can mean, "list of people who I don't mind if they read my friends-only post." You pick how you want to use it. This is a big BUG in LJ, so far as I am concerned. There ought to be a way to make these two things separate. Just because I want to read somebody often doesn't mean I want to reveal all about my moose cross-dressing habit to them!

Now I understand...

[juliebata.livejournal.com]

This explains all those sets of antlers I saw stuffed into the closet. Here I thought I knew you....
-Bata

[numbat.livejournal.com]

Pity I don't have the picture of me wearing reindeer antlers any more...

[stealthpup.livejournal.com]

What replyhazy said.

"Friend" actually means "subscriber", for however you choose to define that term for yourself. And it's a level of (relaxed) security, as well, allowing "friends" further access to your writing.

But, replyhazy, you can tailor your "friends" list in the way you describe. One can set up subsets of "friends", defining which "friends" belong to which groups (for example, I have a "friends" group called "motss", consisting of all the LJers I know that I'd encountered in soc.motss on USENET). Thus, you can set up your own "folks whose stuff I want to read, but whom I'm not that open with yet" group, along with your own "folks who I feel comfortable baring my soul to" group, and then, when adding an entry to your journal (not via the basic page, but the more comprehensive page), you can tailor the permissions for that entry to include one group but not another.

Then I am confused

[replyhazy.livejournal.com]

...because I HAVE groups of friends, but when I set security on a post, I only get Public, Private, and Friends options. How would I set security so that only one of my friends groups can see an entry?

Re: Then I am confused

[stealthpup.livejournal.com]

First off, I assume you're using http://www.livejournal.com/update.bml?mode=full.

Check the Security Level drop-down list. There should be 4 options: "Public", "Private", "Friends", and "Custom...". If you select the "Custom..." option, you then get a checkbox list of your Friends groups, and you can select the groups you wish to give access to said entry.

You've a Paid Account, too, so you really should be seeing 4 levels of security. Let me know if you're getting different results.

Tell a Friend

[bibliofile.livejournal.com]

You can also send her email directing her to this whole discussion. Here's how to do it:

1. Find out the woman's email address.
   
   
2. Go back to this page (your original post plus the comments).
   
   
3. Look at the very top of the page, by your tattoo. (Nice tattoo.) There's a blue area with four buttons in it.
   
   
4. Click on the button that looks like an envelope.
   
   LiveJournal will open a "Tell a Friend!" message complete with a link to your post, from you (juliebata@livejournal.com).
   
   
5. You can edit, replace, or add to the content of the message, if you like. And then she can just click on the link in the mail to read your original post, which explains it all.

Hope this helps.