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OK... Um... So here's the thing....
Jun. 8th, 2004 07:50 pmSomething interesting is happening. We're not sure what it is, or what we want, and we're both kinda scared. But it feels incredibly good, and I don't want it to go away.
I first met him way back in the 80's, I've known OF him for years. I thought back then that I wasn't cool enough for the likes of him, because he didn't talk to me. He was a friend of friends, and he didn't live here. We'd say hi at conventions, never really talked till last year at Wiscon, where I was stunned to discover he thought I was cool, too! He has no recollection of being aloof towards me, "I was shy" he said, "really!"
I did not go to Wiscon with the intention of hooking up with![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
holyoutlaw. But even as early as the Thursday pre-con gathering, it became clear that I wanted to hang out with him as much as possible. The feeling appeared to be quite mutual. And stuff started to happen. The weekend was a blur. The bakesale seemed to run itself. The LiveJournal party threw itself, I just served drinks, and wore red satin.
There was sex. And it was good. We both wrote teasingly about it in our LJ's.
I didn't want to let myself feel something for him, the risks are just so enormous. But he made me feel so good, and beautiful, and wanted, and when the weekend was over, the sadness I've carried with me for the last two years seemed to have finally gone away.
He went home, and the phone calls began. Long, laughter-filled calls. E-mails. Silly post cards. Plans for him to visit in August. Plans for me to visit him in September. It's scary, we don't know what's going to happen. The potential for disaster is very real. But all I know is that I want to see him again, and after a miserable, suck-ass day like I had today at my fucking dead-end nowhere job, all I want to do is sell everything I own and buy a one-way ticket to Seattle.
I first met him way back in the 80's, I've known OF him for years. I thought back then that I wasn't cool enough for the likes of him, because he didn't talk to me. He was a friend of friends, and he didn't live here. We'd say hi at conventions, never really talked till last year at Wiscon, where I was stunned to discover he thought I was cool, too! He has no recollection of being aloof towards me, "I was shy" he said, "really!"
I did not go to Wiscon with the intention of hooking up with
holyoutlaw. But even as early as the Thursday pre-con gathering, it became clear that I wanted to hang out with him as much as possible. The feeling appeared to be quite mutual. And stuff started to happen. The weekend was a blur. The bakesale seemed to run itself. The LiveJournal party threw itself, I just served drinks, and wore red satin. There was sex. And it was good. We both wrote teasingly about it in our LJ's.
I didn't want to let myself feel something for him, the risks are just so enormous. But he made me feel so good, and beautiful, and wanted, and when the weekend was over, the sadness I've carried with me for the last two years seemed to have finally gone away.
He went home, and the phone calls began. Long, laughter-filled calls. E-mails. Silly post cards. Plans for him to visit in August. Plans for me to visit him in September. It's scary, we don't know what's going to happen. The potential for disaster is very real. But all I know is that I want to see him again, and after a miserable, suck-ass day like I had today at my fucking dead-end nowhere job, all I want to do is sell everything I own and buy a one-way ticket to Seattle.
